Discerment...lately

There is no easy way to discern God's will for your life. It seems this whole idea of your "calling" is about as ambiguous as it gets. I used to think that a call meant God would email or fax me a job description. I was wrong. God's current callings for my life include many significant relationships and include a variety of responsibilities

My calling as...
a friend (to be availible, helpful, encouraging, fun, etc)
a roomate (to be responsible with keeping up my part of the apartment)
a son (to be in contact with the parent)
a brother (to be supportive, caring, etc to those I've shared life with growing up)
a student (to study, read, and be in relationship with professors)

But the thing is, fulfilling my responsibility in one calling may lead to a less than hoped for fulfilment of another one. I may decide to ignore the dishes and instead study. Its a good decision - but it neglects a calling. As I continue this journey I'll only be adding callings husband, father, professional, minister (of some sort???), colleague...the list could go on.

The only resolution for me in this tension has been to think of my calling in an entirely different way. I'm becoming aware that I'm called to BE; not to DO. This means that I accept the call to follow. That mean to trust, be transformed, and be willing to "go". Its not about what I do.

Lately...I've been thinking about my gifts. Mission Developing (or, starting new missions / ministries) seems to really fit the various chapters of my life that God has written into my story. However, it is possible that I will have to choose a path that I've never wanted (and I still don't). We had a candidadcy committee rep come talk to one of my theology classes. He said "don't do this unless you have to". Now is my time to resist, push and protest that path until I'm sure that there is no other way.

peace!

Back to Basix

I don’t know if you know this or not, but I am currently an advisor for a youth group at a local Lutheran church near my college. The youth group is made up of 70-90ish kids from 6th to 12th grade, plus a bunch of advisors (some former youth group members and some not). I decided not to be an advisor my freshmen year of college just because I wasn’t sure what the work load would be like, what college was all about, etc. So, after getting a handle on things, I was invited to be an advisor my sophomore year and jumped in. Before this year started, I struggled a lot with the decision to be an advisor again or not, simply because I was doubting the institution of the Lutheran church and struggled with my faith and my call to be a disciple and what the heck that meant. I decided to be an advisor, and it’s been one of my best decisions this year. It’s so renewing to go every week to hang out with kids and teach about Jesus. This year the theme is “Back to Basix”. We’re looking at the life of Jesus and what that means to us as his followers. This couldn’t have come at a better time in my life, and it’s awesome to talk about it with teenagers and hear their thoughts (since most of the disciples started out at their age anyway). I’ve found that there is a place for me in the institution of the church. Ever since I was a young teen, people have been telling me that I have some sort of gift with teenagers (a hard thing to be a part of in college life), so in a lot of ways, youth group has brought me home. And the relationships are incredible. I agree with Tim, it’s not about your church, it’s about people. Me being one of them. It’s easy to disagree with an institution, but much more difficult when you have relationships with people within them. What is an institution anyway without people?
And after some conversations this past week, we are certainly not the only people thinking these thoughts and asking these questions…maybe something’s happening.

I also had an interesting conversation with a friend about the way Christian language shapes our lives. In particular, what does the word “calling” mean? I’m a huge supporter and user of the word, as it really has shaped the way I view myself and God. But, does “calling” exist outside of a community?

Its not about your church!

Penny,your reflection on being uncomfortable has spilled over into my reflections about rethinking church. Its time for me to make a break with some others in our Christian family. God has written things into my story that I must continue to write. Now that I'm aware of my calling to write this story I MUST STOP ADVOCATING WHAT I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT I'D BE ADVOCATING. I simply can not go on advocating for communities to pull away from the church. If I'm honest with myself, its not about my own comfortability. It would be comfortable to pull away from the Lutheran church and do whatever it is I feel "called" to do. BUT, its not about comfortability. We need to stop thinking that this conversation is about our churches. Let me say that again. ITS NOT ABOUT YOUR CHURCH. Its not about your church because when we say that we mean our institutions, our structures and our messy shortcomings. But here's the deal. Its about people. Its about people even when we're in communities who aren't caring for people. If I want the church to change, I must begin the change by BEING the change. That is my calling. That is OUR calling as followers of Jesus. We can not be the change outside of those places that need it the most. Jesus calls us to BE the change IN the places where the change is needed the most.

- tim

Longing to be Uncomfortable

"God comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable."
This quote has been roaming around my head and rattling my heart for the past 3 weeks.

When I went to Africa last year I was constantly uncomfortable with my surroundings, the heat, some cultural traditions, etc...but at the same time I was so comfortable with the lifestyle. A lifestyle that catered to love, fun, relaxation, and community. Infact, I promised not to let myself slide back into comfortability when I arrived home to the land of 'material'. I knew that I didn't want to come home and be the materialistic monster I once was, get busy with work and school, and forget about what was important to me -community.
Sometimes I forget what it is like to be free. To live day to day, not knowing what I am doing at 2 o'clock in the afternoon the following day. I let my schedule consume my life and yet I miss the adventure of life by way of sporadicness. I miss sitting under a shaded tree for hours, drinking water, dancing, laughing and loving with my brothers and sisters. Now, it seems as though I have to schedule in that precious time.
I know that my complaints can only be resolved through my own doings and efforts of minimizing my schedule, but it's a constant battle. Am I alone? I think not. I look around and see so many people longing for community. My own close friends say to me, "I wish we could hang out more often, but I need to study/I have to work/ (insert excuse here)". We are all falling into a trap of business and becoming distant from the gift-the beautiful gift of community we have around us
Recently, I find myself becoming more and more uncomfortable with my comforts everyday. Longing to be uncomfortable with the lifestyle I am leading. Longing for God to build up a resistance in my heart towards the "norm" and pressures of the society around me...
If being uncomfortable "materialistically" brings me joy, I take discomfort over comfort any day.

below is an email I sent out while I was in Africa and a few pictures just for fun:

" Yesterday we arrived back in Lome in the evening, after a packed week of singing and sharing the Gospel in some villages. The first village we stopped in was called Yobo, and we were greeted by fellow Christians when we arrived, they were eagerly awaiting us and welcomed us with cold water and smiles! In all villages we have to greet the Chief before we can go out into the village to do anything, we must tell him what were doing and then he decides if it’s ok. The Chief of Yobo was very laid back and told us we could go around his village and then he showed us his field of pineapples! We had a great time evangelizing in Yobo and stayed with a very wonderful family. They cooked for us, gave us a place to stay and treated us as their own family; it was our first host home experience so far and a great first…It was sad to leave them but they have definitely left a mark on my heart. We left Yobo after a two nights stay for Keve, a small village about 2 hours away. We arrived safely and were brought to another home, were we would be staying! It’s been really exciting staying with families, because we have been staying in guest homes for most of our stay in Africa-so interaction with people is great. The family we stayed with consisted of two widows, their children and some orphans, probably some of the most loving people I have met ever. One of the daughters name was Noelline, she was about 10 years old, and it was like having my sister around, in a fun sort of way. I got to play some hand clapping games, do hair, dance with her and what not-by the end of our stay she and I had become pretty good friends. Did I mention that she was also the one who washed everyone on the team’s laundry by hand? A ten year old washed my laundry cleaner than ive been able to get it the whole time ive been over here….I’m finding God shows his love through little people in big ways.

Love is the essence

I like everything we are about is Love. The love we have for each other spills over to those around us. Because of this, we never really need to know clearly where we are going or what exactly we are supposed to be doing. Love fits into every crack.

NEW Feature!

Now you can scroll all the way to the bottom of this page and view our latest video. We'll be posting videos from our gatherings, ministries - perhaps some random things too.

This video is from Intermission-TLU...the worshippers nailed their prayers to the cross. Listen in and hear the sound of nails being pounded against the backdrop of the beautiful strings instruments.

Freedom in Lovemaking...

From my friend Doug Pagitt at Soloman's Porch in Minneapolis and to my ClayPeople friends:

"And yet in this freedom, this sense of moving adead without knowing exactly where God will move things, there is security as there is in the best kind of lovemaking: a time of finding new surprises in a comfortable place, of the deepest intimacy, of resting secure in the knowledge that our efforts will not be rejected"

with love,

Tim

The New Orelans gathering

We've all safely returned from our first gathering...The New Orleans gathering. The time was simply profound, spiritual, impacting and challenging. You'll be able to read more from us in the coming days as we post stories, insights, revelations and prayers of the journey.

A special thanks to Marc and Dana, our wonderful spiritual mother and father, Anton and Sean - pastors at Hosanna Lutheran Church in Mandeville, Vicki Entzel - youth director at Hosanna, and all others we were priviledge to meet, dialogue with, and be a part of life together - even for a moment.

In the coming months we will be sending out more from this gathering - including a newsletter. We'll be releasing to all our friends, families, and partners what we've taken away from this gathering. Included in this will be thoughts on where God is calling us. Please pray for us in this time of deep discernment and conversation in order to test out this calling God has prepared for us.

shalom.

Tim

The Apostles

I've been diving deep into two areas in my recent discernment: the narrative themes God has been writting in the chapters of my life and the spiritual gifts God has given me. I'm increasingly convinced that I am called to the function of apostle. In Eph. 4, we get a 5 function understanding of gifts for the disciples of Christ. The role of apostle is one of a pioneer, entrepreuer, visionary and trans-local ministry. This hits home for me as I reflect on growing up, always moving from place to place and from my more recent "homelessness".

People ask me: "Tim, Where are you from?" or "So, where's home?". I don't have good answers to these questions. My childhood was in Texas, then Louisiana, then Mississippi (no laughs please...) and finally back to Louisiana - only to go to school in Texas. Meanwhile, growing up, family was in Ft. Worth, Pennsylvania, and Florida. Now, family is in Georgia (Andrew), Portland (Kevin), Washington, DC (Mom, Dad, Colin), Ft. Worth (Grandpa, Uncle/Aunt/Chad-cousin) and Ft. Lauderdale (other grandparents) and Pennsylvania (other Uncle Aunt/Cousin). On top of that I have mentors in Boulder, Mandeville, and friends scattered FAR beyond that. But I'm finding a profound joy as I am priviledged to connect people from all these places. All these places are my home.

Sitting around a noisy living room near New Orleans, I found myself with two mentors and their children (one adopted from China of course), a friend from high school, and two other friends - clay friends - from Pennsylvnia and Minnesota (but really New York). Gathered, we were the church, a hidden little gathering of conversation and faithful attempts at following Christ.

This is problematic though. My church has only boxed in ideas and roles of leadership -of which "the apostle" doesn't neatly fit. Where do I belong? How does all this fit in?

In One Week...

We'll be together. So here are some my reflections on the Kingdom...

Favorite imagery - The Family. There's something about families. I'm in the midst of redefining my own "family" as I begin to include some of my closest friends as brothers and sister, and mentors as Mothers and Fathers. It hard to fight with family. Underneath it all there's a special connect an innate kind of love that makes dialogue, tension and resolution happen.

Favorite Parable: The mustard seed. I'll do some biblical storytelling on this cause I love it so much..."for the birds of heaven to make their nests". What kind of nest are we building under the branches of the kingdom?

Favorite Play-on-words: King-dom is an odd translation. Mainly this is odd because Jesus as "king" has some odd implications. Also it implies a male dominated "reign" and brings back into the story of God's people to a well, less than hoped for time period. The whole Kingdom thing wasn't exactly great for Israel. I like Assai-Diaz's "kin-dom". While probably a looser translation, it gives a relationship to the family of God concept.

Clearly, to me anyways, Matthew isn't talking about heaven or hell, he's not talking about a politcal reign or any other sorta power reference, or any other Platonic-influenced concept. So what do I think he's talking about...you'll see.

TS