Discerment...lately

There is no easy way to discern God's will for your life. It seems this whole idea of your "calling" is about as ambiguous as it gets. I used to think that a call meant God would email or fax me a job description. I was wrong. God's current callings for my life include many significant relationships and include a variety of responsibilities

My calling as...
a friend (to be availible, helpful, encouraging, fun, etc)
a roomate (to be responsible with keeping up my part of the apartment)
a son (to be in contact with the parent)
a brother (to be supportive, caring, etc to those I've shared life with growing up)
a student (to study, read, and be in relationship with professors)

But the thing is, fulfilling my responsibility in one calling may lead to a less than hoped for fulfilment of another one. I may decide to ignore the dishes and instead study. Its a good decision - but it neglects a calling. As I continue this journey I'll only be adding callings husband, father, professional, minister (of some sort???), colleague...the list could go on.

The only resolution for me in this tension has been to think of my calling in an entirely different way. I'm becoming aware that I'm called to BE; not to DO. This means that I accept the call to follow. That mean to trust, be transformed, and be willing to "go". Its not about what I do.

Lately...I've been thinking about my gifts. Mission Developing (or, starting new missions / ministries) seems to really fit the various chapters of my life that God has written into my story. However, it is possible that I will have to choose a path that I've never wanted (and I still don't). We had a candidadcy committee rep come talk to one of my theology classes. He said "don't do this unless you have to". Now is my time to resist, push and protest that path until I'm sure that there is no other way.

peace!