Worn & Tattered

To be really honest...I'm tired. No, no - not like the kind of tired you get with out much sleep. Its not a nap I need. Uh, more like a change of season: a transformation.

See for years I've gone from event to event. I've managed logistics, toured the country, gone abroad, written grants, pioneered special projects and all the while been a full-time student and then at some level have been in ministry. Every week for two years, I've been involved in weekly worship planning and I've hosted a major event each semester. I've also booked countless out of town retreats, seminars, and conferences in the past five years. I'm tired of it all.

For the past year I've been in major transition. I've had profound changes in relationships. I've shifted my understanding of my calling and expanded relationships - including forming some amazing mentoring relationships. But the thing is, this has really taken alot out of me.

I'm worn and tattered from years of trying to hard. I'm tired now from my addiction of going no where fast.

Try breathing in.
Now breath out.
Out again.
Breath out again.
out again.
and again
and again.
...hurts doesn't it. Not much there anymore, huh?

Bridge
Page France, "Come, I'm a Lion" (2005)

there's a narrow bridge that leads me to your doorbetween the apple trees and poison leaves that formaround my shoulders as they toss me back and forth they bring me pleasure and they always keep me
warm
warm
there's a cashman
there are quick cures
there are taste tests
there are trashwhores
there is numbness
there is feeling
there is sickness
there is healing
and i'm halfway to you
but i'm takin' a break
where i walk with a limp
and i sleep with the stakes
and i blow up my lungs
with the air that i need
and my dreams i'm on knees
and i'm washing your feet
with my hair

and i'm not pleased with all of my addictions
all of my addictions
all of my addictions
and i'm not pleased with all of my addictions
all of my addictions
all of my addictions

there are sunbeams
there are dark clouds
there are voices
there are no sound
sand i'm stable
so you want me
yes i'm stable
while you want me
and i'm upright
while you're downsized
while you're downsized
i am uprighti'm the cashman
you're quick cure
you're taste test
and i'm the trashwhore
and i don't feel a thing
but i want to be real
and i don't feel a thing
but i want to be real
and i don't feel a thing
but i want to be real
and i don't feel a thing
but i want to be realas you
are
are

from the dust...