Worn & Tattered

To be really honest...I'm tired. No, no - not like the kind of tired you get with out much sleep. Its not a nap I need. Uh, more like a change of season: a transformation.

See for years I've gone from event to event. I've managed logistics, toured the country, gone abroad, written grants, pioneered special projects and all the while been a full-time student and then at some level have been in ministry. Every week for two years, I've been involved in weekly worship planning and I've hosted a major event each semester. I've also booked countless out of town retreats, seminars, and conferences in the past five years. I'm tired of it all.

For the past year I've been in major transition. I've had profound changes in relationships. I've shifted my understanding of my calling and expanded relationships - including forming some amazing mentoring relationships. But the thing is, this has really taken alot out of me.

I'm worn and tattered from years of trying to hard. I'm tired now from my addiction of going no where fast.

Try breathing in.
Now breath out.
Out again.
Breath out again.
out again.
and again
and again.
...hurts doesn't it. Not much there anymore, huh?

Bridge
Page France, "Come, I'm a Lion" (2005)

there's a narrow bridge that leads me to your doorbetween the apple trees and poison leaves that formaround my shoulders as they toss me back and forth they bring me pleasure and they always keep me
warm
warm
there's a cashman
there are quick cures
there are taste tests
there are trashwhores
there is numbness
there is feeling
there is sickness
there is healing
and i'm halfway to you
but i'm takin' a break
where i walk with a limp
and i sleep with the stakes
and i blow up my lungs
with the air that i need
and my dreams i'm on knees
and i'm washing your feet
with my hair

and i'm not pleased with all of my addictions
all of my addictions
all of my addictions
and i'm not pleased with all of my addictions
all of my addictions
all of my addictions

there are sunbeams
there are dark clouds
there are voices
there are no sound
sand i'm stable
so you want me
yes i'm stable
while you want me
and i'm upright
while you're downsized
while you're downsized
i am uprighti'm the cashman
you're quick cure
you're taste test
and i'm the trashwhore
and i don't feel a thing
but i want to be real
and i don't feel a thing
but i want to be real
and i don't feel a thing
but i want to be real
and i don't feel a thing
but i want to be realas you
are
are

from the dust...

new friends

The Community at Intermission had a week of incredible connections. We hosted the annual theology symposium at TLU and led conversations and a learning party on "the emerging church". Karen Ward (Church of the Apostles) and Nate Frambach (Wartburg Theological Seminary) were our lead learners and we also had two awesome special guests: Paul Soupiset (emergentSan Antonio) and Aaron Strumpel (www.aaronstrumpel.com)

The event was largely conversations all revolving around "what does it mean to be church in the 21st century?". We talked about worship, new monasticism, the arts, leadership and "church ecclesiology". There were about 50-75 who participated in the sessions and we closed with a memorable worship with Aaron leading music, prayer stations, a conversation about John's ressurection account and then The Meal.

From that closing worship: check out John, Ch. 20 and then think...
By what name does God call you?
and What does God do to get your attention?*

*[from conversational message led by Dr. Nate Frambach, Wartburg Theological Seminary]

I'm still processing the entire thing, but our community here in Seguin added many new friends including...

Karen Ward, Church of the Apostles
Nate Frambach, Wartburg Theological Seminary
Jim Taylor, Mosaic Community Church
Chris Breedlove, San Antonio pastor
Paul Soupiset (not really new...), emergentSA

We all met for lunch at ChiroJava and then we even went up to the second story of the building and dreamed of possibilities for that facility and whether we might try to occupy it in the near future. More on that to come...


T

i'm posting.
its been a while since my last post.

i am frequently aprehensive about posting because i am constantly discovering and re-discovering the definition of community and what it means in my life.

as i sit here blogging, i am at work. i know, tis-tis penny, tis-tis. for those of you who don't know I work at the Dorothy Day House of Hospitality- it is a men's homeless shelter here in moorhead, mn. the house was built in 1908 and is beautiful. Back in the day i'm sure it belonged to the mayor or a rich doctor or someone to that status...currently it houses up to ten men who are homeless or in a temporary spot of struggle.
sometimes when i am at work i try and imagine what this house was like before it was a shelter. i picture little kids dressed in their nice clothing, with curly golden locks of hair, sitting with their parents by the fireplace in the living room. this is my stereotypical midwestern, high society family that i imagine. but this family loves each other; they talk and they laugh alot.
in the midst of my thoughts and daydreams, i realize that this house hasn't changed much. sure there are no curly, golden hair children living here, but there are men who have laid down their lives for the Lord, men who struggle with addiction, men who don't know where to go or how to change their situations. there are men in community with each other, building each other up with encouragement and love everyday. it amazes me to see how the Lord touches my heart through these guys here- they are showing me what community really is.
it's beautiful.
in this big , old, brown house, community is beautiful and intense.

Returning to the Conversation

Its been a while since I (or anyone else for that matter) has posted here. Its been a short season of being sent - and now 2 of the 3 of us who were traveling are back. Nate returned this weekend after a month at Holden Village in remote Washington state. After talking with him briefly on the phone I can not wait for him to post his reflections here.

In the past few weeks the community at Intermission ClayPeople Community has taken many steps of faith...I'll recap them here:

As of January 24th, Intermission ClayPeople Community is in official relationship with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. Many of us in the Community have a deep history with the ELCA - its a familty and brings with it a rich hertitage of reformation which we really value. We are particularly thankful to Ruben Duran (ELCA Churchwide offices) and Steve Kanuouse (SW Texas Synod Mission Director) for walking along side us, for affirming us in our ministry, and taking a risk on a few crazy young adults who are passionate about what God is doing in Seguin.

We've entered into a "mutual-learning" relationship with a congregation of the United Methodist Church. Through my friend, Dan Harrington, our two communities have committed to walking side by side, sharing our stories together, and listening/praying together as we start new churches.

We've created a Council of Elders! We been blessed with wonderful mentors and key adults who have been very instrumental in shaping Intermission. Now, some of those have been called and commissioned into a Council who will help us in accountability of ELCA funds, visioning our future, and mentoring us through our transition season. Who are they you ask?

Pastor Greg Ronning, spiritual director - Greg is a close mentor to much of our leadership and continues to serve as our spiritual director and friend in this ministry

Dan Harrington - Dan invited Intermission to help create a new worship at First United Methodist-Seguin with the youth there. Now the worship - called The Journey - has had three runs and is a pilot for what worship might look like in a new church plant with FUMC. His spiritual friendship is now part of our community.

Ron Quiros, leadership coach - As I learn my new role as "abbot" (spiritual guide), I am being coached by Ron in communication, transition management, listening, and servant leadership. His friendship and partnership has always been great and its wonderful to have him on our Council

Rozella White (in discernment) - Rozella is on the synod staff of the Gulf Coast Synod and has been an advocate for us and other innovative young adult ministries. From Houston she's kept up with us and has always give amazing insights for me and my ministry. We've asked her to pray and discern joining our Council and we're waiting to hear back from her - Please pray with us.

As you can see its been a busy, but incredibly fruitful time for us at Intermission. More from my experience at Nicaragua and from the ground here in Seguin to come.

On the way...
Tim

blog de Nicaragua

Having been in the country now for over a week, I feel as though I'm just arriving. This morning our group worshipped with the Iglesia Luterana Evangelica en Nicaragua(Evangelical Lutheran Church in Nicaragua) at Fe y Esperanza (the local congregation). There we did the spanish liturgia and heard the sermon given by the Lutheran bishop there - Victoria. Victoria is an amazing woman who has been instrumental in bringing the Lutheran Church to Nicaragua. She fled El Salvador in 1982 to escape the violence of that time. The women of the Lutheran Church in Nicaragua are an incredible witness to Jesus.

Victoria has a community of over 80% young people - those at the university age are attending (no small feat for the Nicaraguan poor). Her words this morning and hearing her speak of being united in the work of the Spirit really touched me. This church thing really is really much bigger than I've ever imagine...

from Managua, Nicaragua.

paz,

Tim

A Season of Being Sent

For those of you out there who are walking along side us and keep in touch through this blog, I want to take a minute to tell you about the upcoming season for ClayPeople Community. The season might best be described as a "season of being sent"...

Nate and I just spend four days at his home in Scotia, New York where we spent some time creating, praying and discerning our ministry project for this summer. Our current thought is to be in Minneapolis.

On Saturday Tim leaves for a two week stay in Nicaragua. He'll be there with Lutheran World Relief and their partners on a fair trade coffee coop. This is his first ministry experience outside of the US!...very excited.

Courtney will be spending the semester in Egpyt and the Middle East studying and being with the people there. Maybe she'll post her tentative itinerary on the blog so you all can pray for her. Maybe she'll let out her mailing address too.

Nate will be spending the month of January at Holden Village, a retreat village in the mountains of Washington State. He'll be taking a class through St. Olaf on spirituality there. He won't have email or phone access...snail mail only. We'll get that address up so people can send love out his way.

This is an exciting time to support one another in our discernment and ministry together. More in the next few days from me (Tim) as I prepare for my trip and I'll also be blogging from Nicaragua! Paz y Amor.

Going Home

I've only got minutes before my ride comes to pick me up. Its the end of the semester and I'm going home. For some of my friends this is a weekend experience. But, for me, it only happens once or maybe twice a year. This is a big day.

By the time I return to my apartment on campus, I will have spend two weeks in Washington DC, a few days near Albany, NY, a possible side trip to Pittsburgh, PA and a two week stay in Managua, Nicaragua. My heart is starting to race faster when I think about these trip - each one has so much meaning in it - to be on a journey and to be going home.

When I get back, I'm hoping to leave again. I plan on trips to Seattle, WA and Atlanta, GA in January. Again, I'll pack my bags, check my e-ticket (for the third time), text message the weather forecast to my cell phone, and I'll head out on the journey. And then I'll come home again.

This rhythm of heading out and coming home might be speaking something to me about being the church. I can not avoid being sent. I can't avoid the journey. I must get ready, go, and come home. Each sending brings with it some fears and each one writes a chapter into my life that continually shapes who I am becoming.

The dishes are still piled up and the garbage must go out. Its time for me to go home, only to be sent again.

Tim

Thanks for My Mentors

As I wrap up another calendar year, I've been thinking about my journey over the past twelve months. I've covered some rough terrain. Its been a year since I changed majors and begun to think about what it means to follow Christ with my whole life. Along the way I've had some incredible mentors. I simply wouldn't be where I am with out the other characters (some of them indeed are quite a character) who have been performing on this stage of discipleship with me. Because I know there's many outside of our core community who read this blog, I want you all to know that if you're reading this you are a part of our community. These mentors that have shaped me are also a part of this community - its time you all meet some of the people who have shaped me.

So here they are... A special thanks goes out to all of them...I love them all dearly...I'd not be where I am with out you all! Thank-you.

Greg Ronning, our rockin' campus pastor
Greg has been an incredible mentor through-out the last year as Intermission has taken huge steps and he also was part of the mentoring team that I worked with this summer. He continues to invest in me and others around me in profound ways. Plus my dad and I went to the bar while he was in town, we had beers and watched Greg rock out with his charity rock band "The Harleys" - good times


Peggy Contos Hahn
Peggy has been walking along side me for the past five years. Many times she's walked along side from from a distance, but always with an eye out for me. She's always challenged me in ways I've never thought I could be challenged and her insistence on being a catalyst in this church and this world have be a profound impact.

Rozella White
Rozella, your friendship and your words of care and support are stunning. Your transparency and your grace is exactly what I'm looking for in communities to grow in. Thank-you for both the space and nurturing to grow.

Jenna Davis
Jenna was my "peer mentor" during my internship. Jenna, your tenderness, your deep insights, and your beautiful soul speak in unique ways to my worldview - thanks for pushing when I needed a push and listening when I needed an ear.

Aaron Strumpel
There aren't words to thank you Aaron. Your investment in me has sent me on a chase...a pursuit of this God who speaks out in love in ways I don't even understand yet. Your mentorship has shaped me in profound ways. Thank you for being patient with me, for walking with me, for challenging me, for tending both to my soul and my mind, for teaching me about community, for showing me how deep our artist-Creator-God speaks to us and for allowing me to be a speck on the radar of your journey. Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you.

Marc and Dana Reed
There isn't enough I can say about these two. Marc and Dana have been my spiritual father and mother. They have this distinct sense of call to be a father and mother to God's children in order to care for their hearts. Marc and Dana, thank-you for adopting me - for providing not only opportunities for ministry, but for your complete embrace. Your embrace must be exactly what God had in mind when He called his church to love for one another. You guys have blessed me more than you even know. I can't even wrap my mind around your love for God and his children. Thank-you for answer yes to God's call to be a spiritual father/mother ...thank-you.

There are others too...I'll save them for another shout-out.

with love,

Tim

Us versus Them

There has been two kinds of experiences that I've had with others from with in the Body of Christ, this community of believers - some might even call it "the church". Sometimes I get this vibe from people that not a thing could separate us, despite the differences in our pasts or where we come from or anything superficial like that. But then sometimes, I get this feeling in my stomach that its an "us versus them" game we're in. Its as if there were some kind of match going on and we're match-point, one away from winning this set and so the serve becomes aggressive. These places honestly scare me. It seems as if we're too often aiming at our brothers and sisters in Christ and trying to distinguish an "us" and "them" so that we can separate ourselves from "them" and build up ourselves.

I think we may be missing the point. But the thing is, there is no "us".

We are called out into the world. We must eat with the poor and hungry, we must walk with the immigrant wanderer, we must struggle with the addict, and associate ourselves with those of us who are alone: the widows who have no lovers, the orphans who have no fathers and the strangers who have no friends. Our efforts must undergo the same radical transformation that our paradigm has. There is no “us versus them” because its not about us and what we do. It turns out that there is only them. To be with them is what it means to be the church.

once upon a time there was a house in Minnesota that spewed forth love like no other.
and once upon a time I criticized myself for using the word "spewed" in a sentence.
how's this entry for intelligent and insightful?